Thursday, November 8, 2018

More on hot water bottles

Another Hot Water Bottle [no. 84]
In the past, whenever I have needed to purchase a hot water bottle it was a clandestine affair. Firstly, you had to find somewhere that actually sells them. Once you’ve achieved that, they could only be found after a thorough search and, even then, there’d only be a couple of them.

Then, you’d have the walk of shame carrying this ‘50s relic to the checkout where other shoppers and the checkout person would look at you thinking “Poor old git can’t afford heating”.

Now, today, it’s a different story. They’re everywhere, in all colours, sizes and varieties – such as with covers that make them look like teddies. You can buy them free from shame because other people buy them as well.

The reason for this recent change: No-one can pay the electric and gas anymore. The rip of merchants that have got there mits all over the power racket have pushed the cost of heating up so much that the only solution is to buy a bloody hot water bottle.

The electric and gas should be re-nationalised as should those other con-men: BT & the Railways.

Tip: With a permanent marker, write a high number such as 84 on the plastic screw-in stopper. This means, visitors will see ‘84’ on the stopper and think to themselves: “This guy’s so rich he’s got at least 84 hot water bottles”.

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